Weight Loss & Self Image

 What’s In The Mirror Isn’t Always There

There is a saying in Latin- “Caelum non animum mutant qui trans mare currunt. It’s a rather insightful ode by Horace that translates loosely as those who cross the seas change their skies not their spirits. It’s an ode that speaks not only to those who make the mistake of thinking that a change of environment will somehow bring about a change of character but also to those who fail to realize that changing your body doesn’t always translate into a change in how you see your body. Body image is a term we see used time and time again in reference to how badly people feel when they need to lose weight or unhappy with their physical appearance, but there is very little in the way of literature in the fitness and weight loss world on how body image changes among those who are able to transform their bodies. One reason could be the fact that it stands as a direct contradiction to the omnipresent message in today’s media that a great body equals feeling great about yourself.  A notion that may be effective in selling weight loss and body transformation oriented products and services but fails to take into consideration the reality that a significant number of people find are not necessarily happier about themselves after changing how they look.  In this article we will take a look at the neglected frontier of self-image among those who have transformed their bodies by either losing weight or building muscle. A piece that will explore how the stigma of being overweight as earlier in life can lead to negative self-image, increased likelihood of depression and low self-esteem even in when you are are successful at losing weight or creating the body of your dreams. With weight loss especially, for many losing weight is only part of a battle- and not by any means a full victory in the war, as the painful scars of living for years with a body labeled by society as far from ideal can linger long after the final layer of fat has melted away. A phenomenon that may play a role in why many people regain weight over time (See my article Why Losing Weight Can Make You Gain Weight). Parallels also exist among those who were physically frail or underweight and who undergo a program of strength training and bodybuilding to create a well-muscled physique. In both cases, few things are more tragic than to suffer a continued sense of isolation and despair for not having ‘the ideal body’ when by everyone else’s accounts you have become a walking example of that very ideal. It is my hope that the information in this article- some of which is drawn from my own personal experience- will serve to help some of us begin a process of self-acceptance and assist others in understanding how someone with a seemingly perfect body could still be in conflict. Thanks as always for reading and do be certain to share this article with someone who you think might benefit by reading it.

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In the 21st century it is considered politically incorrect and distasteful in most developed countries to publicly make fun of or think negatively towards individuals with mental handicaps, people of different skin colors, genders and sexual orientations. While by no means is discrimination on these fronts totally eradicated, it is far less than it was in years past as public education and acceptance has gone a long way in taking away the shadows of stigma for being different in these ways. Ironically, in spite of progress on so many fronts, being overweight remains one of the most enduring of social stigmas in our society today.[1] Numerous studies report that most people perceive obese individuals as being less physically attractive than their thinner counterparts and that being overweight is a direct result of a moral flaw- be it laziness or gluttony.[1] As insensitive as it may sound, very large scale surveys show that overweight individuals on average earn less money than those who are thinner, accumulate less wealth and are more likely to report interpersonal and institutional discrimination. [2,3] Obese individuals also tend to have a higher likelihood of strained relationships with family and romantic partners. [4,5] In many ways there is something tragically ironic about such discrimination given that here in the United States 25% of the population is overweight, while 50-60% is significantly so.[6]

Self Image & Body Transformation: How Prejudices Against Being Out Of Shape Influences Our Lives

Even though the majority of Americans are overweight, obesity remains one of the most discriminated against physical attributes today.

Yet in a country where being overweight is the norm, a profit driven contradiction rears its head as the entertainment media inundates us with unflattering portrayals of obese individuals, while advertisers bombard us with the thinner and toned  look as an ideal and what you need to be happy. It’s an inescapable deluge of negativity towards most members of our society and unfortunately it continues on because it works wonders for selling products and getting viewers to tune in. One of the first goals of advertising is to create a sense of want in the would-be-consumer. That being said, what better way to stimulate the desire of millions of Americans in a predominantly overweight society than by portraying being slim and trim as an ideal and selling products where those who use them embody the idea as well? It digs deep and churns up the frustrations and anguish many who are overweight feel about their situation and makes them act, often unconsciously, on these feelings. Whether it’s buying a weight loss or health related product endorsed by people in great shape who you would like to look like as well, or picking up a magazine because the people on the cover exemplify an ideal that you would like to achieve for yourself. These signals, as overt as they may be have some very subtle effects on all of us. It persuades consumers to over consume, keeping our economy strong and prices low (Read more in in my article The Economics of Obesity- Why an Overweight Population is Profitable) but it also creates deeply rooted prejudices and brings even more pain to millions of Americans- females especially.

In the midst of a society where being thin is set as a requirement to being happy it is hard to imagine that those growing up with weight issues would not suffer negative outcomes as a result.

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So strong is the effect of the overweight=inferior formula, that studies show children, adults and even health care professionals who work with obese individuals on a regular basis hold strongly negative attitudes towards them.[7] In the maelstrom of such hatred and negativity it is no surprise that for many this leads to a compromised feeling of well-being, including depression and low self-esteem. [8] We need only look at the prevalence of eating disorders among young women striving to attain a that very media-created ideal or the experiences of friends and family as we all either suffer from or know someone very close to us who is directly affected by these societal pressures. While not as strong a prejudice as being overweight, for many (males especially) the stigma of not being strong and powerful has a parallel storyline. Less than 10% of the US population falls into the category of being termed athletic and yet the media is filled with depictions of strong and sculpted bodies as the epitome of what it means to be a happy and contented. Just as you would (sadly) never see an overweight individual on the cover of a fashion magazine (even though they are the ones who are buying the magazines) you would also never see a less than well biceped male in an advertisement for anything remotely masculine. Except in some form of parody. Such black and white depictions make it very hard for young males to not feel driven to change their bodies in an attempt to identify with the image that they see portrayed as manly and sexually virile. In the same way, images of waif-thin fashion models drive many young girls to try to emulate the image they are presented with as the embodiment of what it means to be feminine and attractive. Beauty, masculinity, femininity  and strength all lie far outside of these artificial physical renderings- but these images nonetheless can have a devastatingly negative effect. Pushing many to pursue an ideal that exists only in the realm of Photoshop and computer generated images as most of the models hardly resemble the iconic portrayals used by the media.

Body Image & Body Transformation: Self Image Is Formed At An Early Age

Self image is formed early in life and so how you saw yourself as an adolescent can often affect how you perceive yourself today.

According to Reflected Appraisal Theory, individuals can develop negative perceptions of themselves if they believe that others view them negatively, [9] however this reaction does not apply to each and every overweight individual since how we create our self-image is not as straightforward as people think we belong to a negative group so therefore we perceive ourselves as negative.  For some, this holds true but since perception of self is developed during the formative years of childhood and adolescence, adults who become overweight later in life after enjoying a slim and trim body in their earlier years do not always identify themselves as being inferior or stigmatized because of their weight.[8] Stigma theory suggests that the psychological consequences of being overweight are far more severe among those who were overweight all their life as opposed to those who become overweight as adults. [10, 11] The theory further proposes that having a stigmatized and discriminated against identify early on in life makes you more vulnerable to the negative emotional consequences of being a member of a stigmatized group. [10] Modified labeling theory (a lot of theories- I know-but bear with me) suggests that those who have what they see as a stigmatized identity early on are most at risk for suffering negative consequences of that association. [11]
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Body Transformation & Self Image: You Can Lose Weight & Still Feel Fat

In spite of losing weight, continue to feel fat and out of shape long after the final layer of fat as melted away because they identify with the image of themselves that was developed earlier in life when they were overweight.

What that means in plain English is that those who were overweight earlier in life but later lose weight do not always enjoy the same positive body image, self-confidence or social ease as those who were thin during their adolescence. [8, 12] Just as amputees report sensations in their lost limbs, those who lose weight but were overweight earlier in life, seem to be affected ‘phantom fat’ that stays with them in their minds no matter how much weight they lose or how much their body changes. A factor that can have negative consequences with regard to building rewarding relationships. The difficulties with relationships come again from early experiences- overweight adolescents experience more strained relations with their parents and siblings than those of normal weight. Obese teenagers also tend to find themselves being isolated socially- having on average fewer friends than slimmer teens- circumstances that can go a long way in inhibiting their self-confidence and sense of wellbeing as adults- making it harder for them to have trusting relationships even when they lose weight. [13,14]
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Body Transformation & Self Image: Self-Perception Among Those Gaining Weight Later in Life

Those gaining weight later in life but who enjoyed their youth as thin or normal weight individuals often have trouble seeing themselves as being overweight.

The theories discussed above hold true for those who were of normal weight or slim during their early years and who gain weight later on in life. Many individuals (more so men than women) who become overweight as adults do not identify themselves as being overweight as they maintain a sense of self that was formed earlier on in their lives. [10] Such individuals unconsciously develop strategies to protect their point of view so as not to identify themselves as being fat. My experience  working with people who gained weight later in life correlates with what many researchers report as they very often view their current weight situation as being temporary. Or will say that advice regarding weight loss does not apply since they don’t really have a weight problem.[16] Also common is the perception that their weight gain is a transient occurrence resulting from an external circumstance; they gained weight after leaving school and becoming less active, they gained weight after having children, they gained weight because they are under a lot of stress and so forth.[8] These factors may indeed play a role in their weight gain, but it also insulates them from internalizing their position as an overweight individual in a society that frowns upon those not meeting the in shape ideal.[8, 17] This lack of identification could explain to some degree why so many people who are indeed overweight harbor negative attitudes to their obese peers as they are unable to see themselves as part of the same stigmatized group. The good part about this behavior is that these individuals, in my experience can also use this as a driving force to get back in shape- but only after being able to see themselves for where they are and come to terms with the fact that they need to change.

Body Transformation & Self Image: How Early Self Perception Of Not Being Strong Can Linger Into Adulthood.

Early ideas of being weak and powerless can linger even if the individual is able to build an impressively well muscled physique.

This behavior extends as well to those at the opposite end of the spectrum- as many who enter adolescence with the feeling that they are weak or powerless retain such attitudes into adulthood. Most bodybuilders come from a place of low self-esteem and poor body image developed at a very early stage of their lives, thus in keeping with the above-mentioned theories, and in spite of working hard to develop strong and impressively muscular bodies- they often fail to see themselves as such since they still identify with the smaller, weaker and powerless identity they formed in their adolescence. Such conflicts between how they appear and how they see themselves can easily lead to abuse of anabolic steroids and other physique and or performance enhancing drugs. It can also create an environment ripe for addictive exercise behavior (See my article on Exercise Addiction) and such actions often prompt outside observers to wonder why they would feel the need to push the envelope to such an extreme when they already look great. Yet an understanding of how we create our identities makes it far easier to understand. The commonly associated practice among physique athletes of constantly looking in the mirror isn’t always a simple expression of vanity and narcissism as for many it is less about vanity and more about a need to constantly affirm to themselves that they are indeed big and muscular as they don’t feel that way on the inside. Many such individuals have problems building and sustaining relationships the same way overweight people do, as their physiques serve only as a tenuously fastened exoskeleton that hides the often painfully shy and introverted individuals who felt isolated earlier on in life because of their physical shortcomings. Conversely, those who enjoyed adolescence as athletic and physically strong individuals tend to retain this self-confidence and elevated self-esteem, even when they age and lose most of those physical attributes.
What is important to note about this behavior is the impact it can have on our goals and how it can stop us from enjoying the benefits of what we work so hard to attain. It has been my experience on many occasions to have clients lose anywhere from 50 to 100lbs and report that they don’t see any change in their bodies. Even as their peers continue to compliment and commend them on their amazing transformations. Instead of being able to take comfort and some measure of pride in their accomplishments, some of us have a bit of an uphill battle when it comes to acknowledging progress. This behavior can lead many to give up in utter frustration, even when experiencing positive results. A vicious circle of self-fulfilling prophecy where the individual believes he or she is overweight regardless of all evidence to the contrary,  which can lead them to stop exercising and making better food choices as a way of returning to the body and self-image they identify with.

Body Image And How Others See You

Often when one partner loses weight it can create tension in the relationship and lead to criticism and or sabotage.

Sarte once said that hell is other people and with regards to weight loss or any other form of changing your body this adage can often ring true. We do not exist in a vacuum and our actions and changes- as much as they may be centered on us- can yet have profound effects on others. Many complain about the pressures you have to bear from others as they seem to want you to maintain your former identity as someone who is overweight or out of shape. Some are frustrated and bewildered by the outright lack of support from family members when trying to lose weight but such actions have a foundation in family theory observations. Family theories propose that an overweight child plays a very distinct role in the family, one that can often deflect attention from other issues or behaviors and as such weight loss by the child can disrupt status quo. Leading other family members to criticize and or sabotage their fitness endeavors as a way of maintaining stability in the family relationship. [18,19,20] Similar pressures occur in romantic partnerships as well. Studies find that people tend to date and marry partners who are similar in terms of  (perceived) attractiveness, so those who are overweight on average become involved with partners who are overweight and those who are of normal weight tend to date others of normal weight. [21, 22] Thus when an overweight partner decides to lose weight, it can create tension in the relationship even if the decision to do so is not a unilateral one. Men especially tend to feel threatened when their formerly overweight partner loses weight and thus becomes more attractive to the opposite sex, [15] while for women such changes tend to create perceptions of inadequacy. [15]
I remember working with a young woman very early on in my career who lost a total of 60 lbs. after 10 months of working with me and she was absolutely delighted with her new body. Her self-confidence soared as did her self-esteem- and for a while all was well. Then one day her husband came into the gym and demanded that I stopped training his wife immediately since he did not like the fact that she had lost so much weight. Her improved sense of self and the physical health benefits of her accomplishment were of little interest to him- he wanted his old wife back. Sadly, in spite of her joy at being able to transform her body, she chose to stop training and went back to her old eating habits and sedentary lifestyle. In time she regained most of the weight that she lost as it became less about losing weight and more about maintaining a sense of equilibrium with her husband. Dissuasion is not always this overt- friends can feel threatened when after years of identifying you as someone who is out of shape, the balance shifts when you get into shape. As hard as it may be to hear, it isn’t necessarily malicious when others try to derail your attempts at self-improvement. It is simply a reaction that some people have to change. They know you and love you as someone else and in the same way that you may struggle with relating to the new you, others can have similar difficulties as well.

Body Transformation & Self Image:Have A Plan

Before trying to change your body you need to resolve to change your mind.

To be forearmed is to be forewarned. With all the noise surrounding the physical aspects of weight loss and body transformation there is alarmingly little in the way of how such changes affects us on a psychological level. That being said, it is important that we understand where we are starting from and where we are going whenever we take it upon ourselves to embark upon a path of physical transformation. The tangible elements of exercising regularly and eating right are important, but are by no means any important than the more subtle aspects of really working on accepting yourself. I tell my clients all the time that they have to make a conscious effort to accept that they can indeed get into shape and that these changes will affect the way others will perceive them as well. Self-acceptance and self awareness is as crucial as not having the slice of cake with the extra thick frosting- perhaps even more so. As you will never enjoy the fruits of your labor if you don’t first take the time to accept yourself for who you are going to become. On the other hand, some people who were in great shape earlier in life and find themselves overweight need to find a path towards accepting their current situation. Not necessarily as a way of identifying themselves as part of a stigmatized group, but as a way of seeing that steps must be taken for their perception of themselves to match their true physical form.  Clinging to the glory days of our trimmer and slimmer youth does little to help us in the present if we find ourselves stuck in an unhealthy state.
The plan towards self-acceptance needs to have an external component as well, as you should have very frank discussions with  friends and family to reassure them that while your body may change you are not going to change. (Which in itself is a complicated issue because perhaps you will change and find new friends and ways of interacting socially in your life.) Either way, loving another person means giving them the freedom to make their own decisions and you have to do your best to find supportive relationships where people love you for who you are and not for who they want you to be. I hope this article helps shed some light on the importance of self-acceptance because at the end of the day, it really isn’t about how you look- it’s all about how you see yourself. Thanks for reading.
 Kevin Richardson is an award winning fitness writer, a natural bodybuilding champion, one of the most sought after personal trainers in New York City and the creator of Naturally Intense High Intensity Training. His personal training service is the 2012 winner of the Best of Manhattan Awards for Personal Training and if you need help losing weight or getting into cover model shape, give Kevin and his team a call at 1-800-798-8420.